Dinner with State of The Union.

Tonight I am having a party to mark the State of The Union speech. (SOTU for the cool kids)

Rather than actually watching I will, without benefit of anesthesia, hypnosis or poultices of any kind, remove my own appendix. I will then sew myself shut with ten pound test fly fishing line and eat said appendix with some field greens and a bottle of Big Red, since I have no Chianti.   

 Here's why:

The SOTU is delivered by the President of The United States or POTUS before both houses of congress or BHOC. BHOC is controlled by Republicans and POTUS is a Democrat, so don't expect huge standing ovations, except for those agreed upon by the Democratic Congressional Caucus or DCC. These will consist of a clear minority of the gathered assembly rising and attempting to  applaud and cheer loud enough to sound like the majority of the crowd, who are, in fact, the Republican Congressional Caucus (RCC) which is lead by the Republican Leadership committee or RLC.

Like some feminine products, the DCC and RCC/RLC have wings. As wings should, they have left and right wings and a center. Got the visual?

Now both wings will call each other terrible names like communist and Nazis. Just wait and see. This means that a lot of the people yelling have no sense of history or the cost to humanity caused by Nazis and communist. But that's for another night. Now, since POTUS is a member of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC, not to be confused with DCC) the DCC will applaud and support every single word the POTUS utters before BHOC.

It would seem one sided, except that the party not affiliated with POTUS, RCC, RLC, LRon, etc, will get to give a SOTU Response.  This year delivered by Joni Ernst, a first year senator from Iowa. She will likely give the response in a room with a window or case full of important looking books in the background. Or maybe in front of some rows of corn as a nod to her home state.

It is common knowledge that SOTU responses usually goes really badly, so someone with little to lose delivers it.. A first year Senator will have six years to recover should she flub the whole thing.

Nobody really listens to the rebuttal. It's a scientific fact that more people watch the cattle auction on RFDTV than watch the rebuttal. The reason why is easy: both wings have made up their minds long ago and, with few exceptions, they are not about the change. Not even a little.

So here's to SOTU, POTUS and SCOTUS, who will be in attendance but not applaud or even appear to have a heartbeat. While the wings crash against the walls of ideology and spin, I will suffer less eating my own appendix.

And the best part? It's just as good the second day.