Vaping with Gwyneth

Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow, who once said she'd "[R]ather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin", may be on the verge of smoking HER - well, let me explain:

Paltrow has recently come out for a trendy new L.A. thing called "V-Steaming." And "V" does not stand for veggies. Paltrow described to her GOOP readers the process. I must warn you, trying to mentally picture Paltrow going through this treatment while reading the description could cause irreversible neurological damage:

"You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it."

No, I did not make that up. Gwyneth is 'a smoking in the girl's room.

The V-Steam is based on Far Eastern folk medicine (Perhaps that's what the guy in the old commercial meant when he said "Shhh, ancient Chinese secret!") and is accomplished by a woman essentially squatting over a steaming pot of the Colonels 11 herbs and spices (Okay, I made that up) to clean, refresh and fix, according to some spa claims, everything from infertility to PMS, which in this case means Pay Money, Stupid.

In all fairness to Paltrow, she seems to actually be a Johnny-come-lately to Stanley Steaming™ the southern belle, as my crack (I just can't stop myself) research team found internet references galore going back years. I could not find a spa here in San Antonio that offers the treatment, as we only steam beaver hats here. There is a place in Austin that does, but I'm not giving a free name drop without a coupon for my beloved, who I am sure would be thrilled if told she had a free coochie mist coming.

There is also a similar treatment offered for men called the A-Steam. I guess the B-Steam idea shriveled.

I'm not sure what my point is, aside from the fun we all have making fun of most of what Paltrow says and does, though it is predictable. I mean, the poor girl grew up with the best of everything and was clearly told from the time she was getting her umbilical cord clipped that she was special, precious and every vapid little thought she ever had would be important and worth of sharing. Her lack of self awareness, when it comes to how truly un-relatable her world is to 99% of the humans on earth is reminiscent of someone in a room full of people who is unaware of his/her own body odor. Like the guy in overalls that sat in front of you at the movies last week.